


To Aru Super SS

by rubix22



Category: Toaru Kagaku no Railgun | A Certain Scientific Railgun, Toaru Majutsu no Index | A Certain Magical Index, とある科学の一方通行 | Toaru Kagaku no Accelerator | A Certain Scientific Accelerator
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:03:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9404819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubix22/pseuds/rubix22
Summary: If there was ever a fanfiction about a doujin artist's take of a To Aru Majutsu 4koma, this might be it. Discretion: contains spoilers.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rubix here. This is somewhat of a re-edit of a fic I did a long time ago. Eventually, I plan to bring the entirety of this Super SS over (SS of course meaning 'Side Story'). I wrote this when New Testament was first coming out, so a lot of things can be considered dated. Keep that in mind. Also, this is a hit-or-miss comedy, so if you don't find some of my jokes funny, don't sweat it. It's probably a bad joke. I apologize in advance.
> 
> Thank you and please enjoy this bizarre, oddly stylized, super side story.

* * *

**_New Testament Volume I synopsis taken from BakaTsuki:_ **

World War III, caused in Russia by Fiamma, the final member of the Roman Catholic Church's secret group God's Right Seat, was brought to an end thanks to the efforts of Kamijou Touma. However, he disappeared at the end of that war.

This is a world without that hero...

* * *

**You Shall Be Missed**

After the disappearance of Kamijou Touma, the spot of main protagonist was left open in the To Aru Majutsu universe. So then, the next course of action was naturally...

Hamazura Shiage walked out with a determined look in his eye. Clenching his right fist, he raised it up to eye level. And then...

As if his life depended on it, he boldly declared!

" _ **I'll shatter that illusion!**_ "

...

"'Poor', Misaka says as she holds up a sign that says 4.0"

"'Terrible', Misaka says holding up a sign that says 3.5"

"'Average at best,' Misaka says holding up a sign with a defiant 5.0"

As this happens, Takitsubo Rikou, who had been observing Hamazura Shiage's performance from the sidelines, quietly made her own opinion.

"Don't hurt his feelings...!"

**He's Waited His Whole Life for This**

As the three Sisters scurried to prepare their next consultation, a white-haired boy walked in.

" _The hell is this?-! That shitty brat tells me to come here immediately, but..._ "

Pointing at the three clones, he growled.

" _Is this supposed to be some kind of interview?-! Fuck this! As if I'd really care who becomes the new main protagonist! Unless there are bodies flying, don't call me out!_ "

"'If you do not wish to participate, you are free to go', Misaka says conveying the obvious."

Accelerator paused.

" _Well... since I'm here, I might as well-_ "

"'Then go ahead, we are ready for your lines now,' Misaka says tilting her head."

" _W-Wait...I need to moment..._ "

**Everyday, In Front Of A Mirror**

" ** _I'll destroy that illusion!_** "

Accelerator said this while holding out his right hand.

…

The three Sisters huddled up into a group. After much debate, one on the sisters stepped forward to address the Number 1.

"'Misaka thinks you've spent a lot of time practicing this, have you not?' Misaka asks with an almost pitying express-"

" ** _I haven't!_** "

**The Original**

To the surprise of the three Sisters, Kamijou Touma walked in next, still apparently alive and well.

"..."

Glancing at one another, the three Sisters silently discussed the troubles of the current situation. One of the Sisters held up a 'thumbs-up' and another nodded her head in agreement.

"'Go on, but don't expect any preferential treatment,' Misaka says wagging her finger sternly."

"Uh, yeah, right..."

**Don't Force It  
**

" _That screwed up illusion of yours... **I'll kill it!**_ "

Kamijou Touma proudly held up his Imagine Breaker while reciting an iconic line.

…

The three Sisters gathered once again to briefly discuss. Disbanding, they raised their scores.

"'Adequate,' Misaka says holding up a sign that says 5.0"

"'Meh,' Misaka says holding up a sign that says 4.5"

"'Good, but it seems like you're trying too hard,' Misaka says soundly while holding up a sign that says 6.0"

"Eh?-!"

**A Sad Future**

Kamijou Touma was jobless. Well, technically he should be dead, but let's not fool ourselves about that now.

From this point on, he would not appear in any novels until the author green-lit his return. This could mean a major absence spanning of at least one novelization. At worst, he'd make a cameo appearance at the very end of New Testament.

That said, what in the world would Kamijou Touma do until that time?

Standing up, Kamijou Touma made a declaration.

"I will... finish school!"

"And then after that I'll... go to a decent college!"

"And after that I'll... find a job with a moderately satisfying salary!"

It was then that the savior of the world fell into despair.

**Give Up**

"Yo."

Kamijou Touma appeared before Misaka Mikoto.

"Oh, so you've finally come to settle our little fight, huh?"

The girl seemed genuinely excited, however...

"No... Actually, since I have some free time, I was wanting to ask if I could somehow appear more often in Railgun."

Apparently, this Kamijou Touma felt no shame from leeching off of other people's successes.

"Hmm? Well, I'm not so heartless as to leave you out in the cold, but..."

Misaka Mikoto pointed a finger at him.

" _Fight me and I might consider!_ "

"Are you even listening?"

" _Come at me! I'm ready at any time!_ "

...

**Kami-Something or Another**

Saten Ruiko and Uiharu Kazari were casually walking down a street... when suddenly, a group of thugs surrounded them!

"Eh?-! What's with this development?-!"

As Uiharu Kazari cried out in confusion, Kamijou Touma sprang into action and shielded the two girls.

"Oi oi! You two go on ahead! I'll take care of this! After all, supporting characters have to support each other as well!"

"Ah! It's...! It's...!"

"..."

She struggled with her answer.

"Who are you?"

Once again, Kamijou Touma fell into despair.

**Level Upper Does Not Enhance Your XXX**

"Have you guys no shame?-!"

Kamijou Touma pointed towards Uiharu Kazari and proclaimed.

"She is obviously in middle school!"

He then pointed at Saten Ruiko.

"And this girl... is in middle school too!"

To the relief of Kamijou Touma, Saten Ruiko agreed with his proclamation.

"Yeah, that's right."

' _Thank you so much for playing along!'_

**A Gentle Man**

Fast forwarding...

After things got taken care of, the three supporting characters chatted with one another.

"Ah, so you got replaced! Just like how characters in dramas get replaced because the actors who portray them turn out to be bad role-models!"

Kamijou Touma felt a sharp sting pierce through his chest.

"That seems a little..."

Saten Ruiko noticed the harshness of Uiharu Kazari's words. She attempted to drive the conversation in a different direction.

"Ah... well, I have to wonder though! Can there really be another person out there that could replace you? Those are some tough shoes to fill, right?"

Thinking about it, Uiharu Kazari reasoned.

"Hmm. I'd imagine this person would at least have to be nice and gentle."

...

Meanwhile, Accelerator was...

" _I'll destroy that illusion! In fact, I'll destroy **everything! GYAHAHAHAHA!**_ "

**Fukou Da**

" _Such misfortune..._ "

As Accelerator walked down a one-way street, a missile flied by his head and exploded upon impacting a nearby building.

" _Such misfortune..._ "

Helicopters and tanks gathered around the madman as he approached.

Accelerator smiled. He predicted a 100 percent chance of raining blood.

" _Such misfortune... I love it._ "

**Spoilers! At Your Own Discretion!**

Kamijou Touma sat patiently on a park bench. There was no doubt in his mind that he would have a triumphant return. Though, until that time, he would have to wait.

Fans of the series would be forced to recognize another hero, but Kamijou Touma was certain that whoever would fill his shoes, he would do a good job of it.

...

At this time, New Testament Volume I plopped down before the spiky-haired boy.

"..."

Immediately taking it in hand, he flipped to the end of the novel.

Tears suddenly streamed down his face.

"Thank god."


	2. Chapter 2

**Bad with Names**

Approaching a frog-faced doctor, Accelerator made a modest request.

" _Hey. The battery life on this shitty collar sucks. Make it last longer_."

In response, the doctor casually replied.

"As the man who saved you from being a vegetable, you should at least show some respect."

"..."

Accelerator paused.

...

" _Old man, the battery life on this shitty collar sucks. Make it last longer_."

**Recharge**

An improved collar for Accelerator is showcased!

"I've installed a hollow copper coil with a magnet inside. If you manually apply kinetic energy to the magnet, a small pulse of electricity is created that in turn recharges the collar."

The frog-faced doctor described the implication.

"If used correctly, you should be able to extend the time of your 'Esper Mode' up to a few hours."

Accelerator required further clarification.

" _...and what do you mean by 'manual kinetic energy'?_ "

"You jump. Up and down."

"..."

**Tether**

Another new collar for Accelerator is showcased!

"With this upgrade, you should be able to connect up with the Misaka Network directly for faster calculations and more reliable data transmissions. "

The frog-faced doctor described the implication.

"This practically erases the need of a battery as the source of your power will always be close by. While you may not be as powerful as you were originally, I think you'll find the latency between mind and matter to be fairly similar to that of your pre-gunshot days."

"..."

Last Order happily held on to the leash that was attached to Accelerator's neck.

_"Don't fuck with me!_ "

He threw the Ethernet cable away.

**Don't Be Wasteful**

The invasion of Academy City had begun towards the end of the To aru Majutsu no Index II anime (volume 12 and 13 of the light novels). With the appearance of Vento of the Front, many civilians passed out without warning. That said...

"I can feel it! I can't waste any time...!"

Index was desperately running through the streets when suddenly something caught her eye.

" _...!_ "

Looking through the window of a local restaurant, she saw an unconscious girl sitting in front of an untouched ice cream sundae.

" **Chance**!"

**Allusion Breaker**

"I've got to save Kazakiri!"

Kamijou Touma was rushing to the site where Kazakiri Hyouka was located.

"...!"

With bright lights springing from her back and a halo manifesting over her head, Kazakiri Hyouka had seemingly turned into an angel. Kamijou Touma fell to his knees and shouted.

" **TETSUOOOOOOO!** "

Appearing from behind, Vento of the Front barked.

" _That's not funny, damn it!_ "

**Dying Words**

In a flashback...

Vento of the Front's brother was dying on an operating table. He said to the doctors...

"Please... save my sister..."

He then made another statement.

"And also tell her... she looks ridiculously good... in her school swimsuit... Casual Vento... _Best bento... Uuuooogher-bleehh!_ "

...

In the present...

Vento of the Front was ranting at Kamijou Touma.

"I hate doctors! They're all perverts! Every single one of them!"

' _That's got nothing to do with anything!'_

**Juice**

Accelerator was in a one-on-one fight against a Kihara.

Seething with rage, he let out a weird shrill scream that apparently won him the Voice Actor Rookie-of-the-Year award.

" _KiiiihaaaaraaaAAAAA **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!**_ "

A beeping noise emitted from his collar, interrupting the scene.

...

" _Huh? Already?_ "

With that, Accelerator promptly started hopping in place.

"...exactly, what-"

" _Shut the fuck up._ "


	3. Chapter 3

**Please Stop**

Seeing Last Order pouting, Misaka Worst asked a natural question.

" _Something wrong?_ "

"'Misaka Misaka was made fun of by a subordinate!' says Misaka as Misaka throws a tantrum."

" _Oh yeah? Exactly what did they say?_ "

"'She said, 'It's redundant to say 'Misaka Misaka',' says Misaka,' says Misaka as Misaka remembers."

"'And then Misaka Misaka was imitated and she said, '''Misaka Misaka is redundant,' says Misaka as Misaka imitates,' says Misaka' says Misaka as Misaka tells you exactly what she said."

Worst flinched.

**Conceptual Parents**

Two Misaka sisters sat on a bench. A conversation began.

"'Let's talk about 'parents',' Misaka says, opening up a can of worms."

She continued.

"'If you think about it, wouldn't it be reasonable to classify Onee-sama as 'mother'? This seems like the natural fit... however, Misaka is having trouble figuring out who best qualifies as 'father',' Misaka says as she relays her recent struggles."

"'How about 'that boy'?' Misaka suggests while performing a fist-to-palm action."

The image of a 'spiky-haired boy' appeared in both their minds.

"'He's more like a nosy neighbor than a 'father' type person,' says Misaka, rejecting the thought outright."

The image manages to say 'fukou da!' before disintegrating out of existence.

**Tou-san**

The two Misaka sisters were still engaged in enthralling conversation.

"'If not 'him', is there anyone else who qualifies?' Misaka asks, scratching her head."

"..."

...

In a certain apartment...

A certain someone's face was covered in black marker drawings.

" _You shitty brat! I'll fucking rip your head off!_ "

"'You don't understand Misaka Misaka's artistic genius!' says Misaka as Misaka makes a clean getaway!"

Back at the bench...

"'Did you think of someone?' Misaka asks."

"Nope."

**20,000**

Let's take a look at Misaka 20,000.

"'Nice to meet you,' Misaka says, taking a bow."

Comparing the Level 6 Shift project to an RPG, one could call her the final boss...

And even thinking about that number! **20,000!** You would think that she's extremely powerful!

"'Ah... There's really nothing special about me...' Misaka apologizes."

But! In reality...! She is actually the **mid-boss**!

"'Eh?-! Did Misaka's worth suddenly go down?-!' Misaka stammers in bewilderment!"

Worst suddenly appeared behind her.

" _Your adventure has only just begun!_ "

**Elevator Ride From Hell**

After running various errands, Misaka 20,000 was riding down an elevator. Before the doors could close, she heard someone call out.

"W-Waaait! Hold the door!"

Misaka Mikoto got inside just in time. She sighed.

"Thanks for holding the elevator. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't."

"'You would have had to wait 45 to 80 seconds for the elevator to come back up,' Misaka answers."

"..."

...

They started going down the elevator in complete silence.

Misaka Mikoto felt like dying.

"..."

**Heavy Atmosphere**

Misaka Mikoto and Misaka 20,000 were still riding down the elevator.

"..."

...

"Umm, if you need any advice from you're Onee-chan, I'd be happ-"

"'Misaka currently does not need advice,' Misaka answers."

' _At least give me a chance..!'_

**Worst Case Scenerio**

Still inside the elevator, Misaka Mikoto thought to herself.

' _I can't leave things as they are! I have to say something that will leave a positive impression!'_

The elevator stopped.

"Eh?"

The doors opened. Worst and Last Order walked inside.

"..."

' _WHAAAAAAAA...?-!'_

**Older Sister**

' _Wait, wait a second. Now calm down. Even though they may look a little different, these guys are just more Sisters based off of my own DNA...off of my own... DNA...'_

"..."

" ** _...!-?_** "

Misaka Mikoto's glance shifted to a region of Worst's body that seemed extremely different from herself.

' _Eh?-!_ _I'm still the older sister, right?-! I'm still the older sister, right?-! Right?-!'_

**Acknowledgement  
**

' _Just who are these people?'  
_

As Misaka Mikoto was thinking, Last Order turned her head to look at her.

"..."

However, Worst turned her head back to the front.

"Don't stare."

' _I'm being ignored?-!'_

**Whole New Level**

' _That's it! I have to say something! I've got to make my presence known!'_

As Misaka Mikoto pumped herself up, the elevator stopped once again.

"Eh?"

The doors opened. Accelerator hobbled in.

"..."

' _Why is this happening to meeeeeeeee?-!'_

**Commando Accelerator**

While Misaka Mikoto was mentally breaking down in the back of the elevator, Accelerator made small talk with Misaka 20,000.

" _Hey, what's you're serial number?_ "

"'...20,000', Misaka reluctantly replies."

" _Oh, is that so..._ "

Accelerator went on to say something lame.

" _You know how I was supposed to kill you last?_ "

The sister nodded.

" _Tree diagram **lied**._ "

"'Is that supposed to be a reference to something?' Misaka asks, unfamiliar with 80s action flicks."

**Going Up**

Once hitting ground floor, Accelerator, Worst, and Last Order went on their way home. Before leaving as well, Misaka 20,000 noticed something back in the elevator.

"'Are you feeling okay?' Misaka inquires."

"..."

Misaka Mikoto had her head leaned up against the wall of the elevator. It seemed like she was still recovering from the awkward situation.

"I'm fine, I think I just need to-"

Before she finished her sentence, the elevator doors closed. Going up...


	4. Chapter 4

**Experience**

Two Misaka Sisters were sitting on a bench. A pointless conversation unfolded.

"'So... Before tree diagram was destroyed, it predicted that a Level 5 esper could achieve Level 6 by defeating a Level 3 esper 20,000 times,' Misaka states."

"'Isn't that common knowledge to all Sisters?' Misaka asks rhetorically."

"'However!' Misaka exclaims, 'Taking that information to the extreme, wouldn't it be possible for a Level 0 esper to level up by flipping the skirt of a level 1 esper 200,000 times?-!'"

**_Shock!_ **

"'...No. That's a stupid idea,' Misaka answers flatly."

...

At that time...

A certain _someone_ suddenly felt a rush.

"U-Uiharu!-? Somehow I feel stronger!-?"

**Of Course He Did**

The sinister-looking Misaka Worst and Accelerator were out grocery shopping.

"Hey! Hey! Mr. Honor Student!"

" _Don't call me that._ "

"Let's get this!"

Misaka Worst held up a jar of cherries.

"..."

For a split-second, Accelerator paused before answering bluntly.

" _No._ "

Worst went on the offensive.

"Hmm? Just now, did you just have a dirty thought?"

" _I didn't._ "

"Misaka thinks you're cute when you're not being honest."

" _Don't make me repeat myself._ "

**Worse, Worser**

The strap on Misaka Worst's sandal snapped.

"...how inconvenient."

Turning to Accelerator, she made a devious smile.

"Hey, Cherry-kun, give me a piggy back ride."

" _No._ "

"Hmm? Does that mean you'll carry Misaka bride-style?"

" _I didn't agree to do anything._ "

**A Soft Warm Feeling**

Accelerator was carrying Misaka Worst on his back as they made their way home. Needless to say, he currently had his esper mode on.

"..."

...

Worst whispered into Accelerator's ear.

" _Say, say, how do they feel?_ "

One moment later, Accelerator was walking with his cane again.

And a few meters back, Misaka Worst was stuck in a trashcan.

** Call Quality **

Before visiting Frenda Seivelun's grave, Mugino Shizuri had a thought.

' _I should probably get her some flowers...'_

She called up her colleague regarding the matter.

"Say, did Frenda have a favorite type of flower?"

On the other line...

"Flounder? No, no. What you're thinking of is mackerel. She was super into it."

"..."

...

Mugino Shizuri went to the fish market that day.

**Change**

Mugino Shizuri spoke aimlessly in front of Frenda Seivelun's grave. On the ground was a bouquet of fish.

"I went to Russia and then I came back to Academy City. So..."

"I suppose a lot of things have changed..."

"..."

...

"Well, except for Hamazura. I mean, seriously. Like ' _eww_ '. You know exactly what I mean, right?"

Elsewhere...

Hamazura Shiage suddenly felt a sting.

**Delay**

In a scene from New Testament...

Mugino Shizuri and Kinuhata Saiai were conversing over the phone. The Number 4 responded to her companion's sass with dull sarcasm.

"Kinuhata, I can see the things around you. Could you grab that thick thing over there and shove it up your ass?"

"..."

...

"..."

...

"...I'm super not interested, so no thank you."

' _Don't pause! Don't pause like that!'_

**Psychic** **Type**

Two Misaka Sisters were sitting on a bench. A point was made.

"Comparing espers of Academy City to Pok*mon..."

"Wouldn't the strongest esper be..."

"'...a Wobb*ffett!-?' Misaka exclaims!"

**_Shock!_ **

"That's... actually pretty accurate,' Misaka answers."

At that time...

"'Eh? What's wrong?' Misaka asks as Misaka waves her arms around."

A certain _someone_ suddenly slunk into a depression.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sound Off**

In a bizarre set of events, Hamazura Shiage and Accelerator were in a car, driving along the highway. An uncomfortable silence settled in.

"..."

...

"..."

...

Starting a conversation...

"...so the other day, I was at the convenience store-"

Accelerator flipped the switch on his neck to avoid listening to the Level 0.

**Off on a Tangent**

Still in the car, Accelerator saw a tunnel ahead.

Seeing as the Misaka Network would produce unstable signals while inside of it, he decided to turn the switch off on his neck.

[ SFX: * ** _c_** ** _lick_** * ]

"...so a real breast lover loves both small and big ones. And the ones he loves the most belong to the person he loves, right? You get what I'm saying?"

And then he flipped the switch back on.

**Hamadurarara!**

In a bizarre set of events, Hamazuri Shiage was riding the 'Dragon Rider', a vehicle that could only be ridden while wearing a special Crys*s-like nano suit. This suit connected to the wearers mind to download information and other necessary protocols to ensure proper use and maintenance.

Inside Hamazura Shiage's head, a stream of data passed:

[ **Creating space for Dragon Rider.** ]

[ **Scanning available space.** ]

[ **Deleting segment of memory dedicated to recollection of porn.** ]

**_...!_ **

"Eh?-! Did something important just get removed!-?"

**Convenient Plot Device**

In a made up event outside of New Testament...

Kamijou Touma was floating in an abyss of white space.

"Yo, Kami-yan~!"

A disembodied voice filled the atmosphere.

"Huh? Tsuchimikado?-! Is that you? Where am I? What happened? Is this the work of magicians? Did World War IV already start?"

"Nah, this is just a dream."

"..."

...

"Well, that's just half-assed."

"I know."

**Going Deep**

"Okay. So if this is a dream... I just gotta wake myself up, right?"

Kamijou Touma was currently in the process of pinching his cheeks.

"Actually, you can't."

"Huh? Why's that?"

"Well, Kami-yan, it's not your dream."

"..."

Kamijou Touma was at a loss about what that last statement meant.

"Should I... go to sleep then?"

"It doesn't work like that."

**The True Culprit**

In the middle of the night, a disorientated Index opened her eyes.

"..."

...

She yawned and pulled the covers back over herself.

Kamijou Touma popped back in the white abyss again.

"What the hell?-!"

"Well, you know, that's how it is."

**A Sudden Battle**

Kamijou Touma was now standing on the edge of a P*kemon-esque battle area that kind of resembled a tennis court.

Across the field, there was a man floating upside-down inside a glass tube. He called out.

" _Come forth, Meltdowner._ "

Mugino Shizuri manifested herself onto the field.

"..."

...

Kamijou Touma stared off for a brief moment.

"That guy... won't he get a headache?"

"Eh? Is that the part that most concerns you, Kami-yan?"

**Death Sentence**

"Look, I really don't get what's happening, but I'll go with the flow if that's what it takes to wake Index up."

Kamijou Touma pointed forward.

"So go! Whoever's first on my team! G*tta C*tch Em' *ll!"

"That catchphrase is unnecessary, Kami-yan."

And with that, Hamazura Shiage materialized on the field.

"..."

Kamijou Touma dropped to his hands and knees in misfortune.

"Kami-yan, why are you giving up?"

**True Power**

Mugino Shizuri slowly crept behind Hamazura Shiage.

" _Hamazuraaaaaaaaaaaa~!_ "

"Son of a bitch."

Kamijou Touma spoke out to the Level 0.

"Don't falter now! This is your chance to prove yourself! You can cement the fact that you're not some random side character, but a hero! Show em' your true power and knock her off her feet!"

...?

By the time Kamijou Touma stopped preaching, Hamazura Shiage went missing from the battlefield. He left and Mugino Shizuri gave chase.

" _Okay, I really didn't expect much from him anyway._ "

**Ruling**

Kamijou Touma stared off into the field.

"..."

...

Aleister Crowley did the same.

"..."

...

No one was there.

Thus, in conclusion...

"For now, let's just call the first round a draw. Eh?"

**Rematch**

Aleister Crowley called his next Level 5 out to battle.

" _Proceed, Accelerator._ "

Kamijou Touma, in turn, did the same on his side.

"Go! Next person on my team! Buy my merchandise!"

"Kami-yan. I don't think that's anyone's catchphrase."

With that, Kamijou Touma disappeared from his place outside the ring and then appeared inside of it.

Facing Accelerator...

"..."

...

" **Whyyyyyyyy?-!** "

**Embarrassing Lines**

" _I've been waiting a long time for this. Even if this is a goddamn shitty-ass dream._ "

Accelerator clenched his fist and shouted.

" _Grit your teeth weakling, my strongest punch..._

" _Might shake you up a bit!_ "

"..."

...

Kamijou Touma looked away.

"Hearing someone else say that... I never knew it was so embarrassing..."

" _P_ _ay attention, damn it!_ "

**One-Hit Combo**

" _Don't act so cocky, punk! I'll rip you ap-_ "

Before Accelerator could finish, Kamijou Touma rushed up and caved his fish into his skull, throwing him off his feet and into the ground several meters away.

...

He didn't get back up.

"Jesus, Kami-yan, you could have at least let him finish talking."

"Shut up. I just want this to be over with."

Aleister Crowley stared blankly.

" _I suppose this_ _is what I get for not leveling him up properly_. _Maybe I should have used EXP share..._ "

**Screw It, It's Not Worth It Anymore**

Aleister Crowley called up another Level 5.

" _Proceed, Railgun._ "

**_...!_ **

Kamijou Touma disappeared from the battlefield. And Misaka Mikoto was naturally giving chase as he ran off.

"Fight me, dang it!"

"Why should I?-! I already get enough of this in real life!"

**The True True Culprit**

Aleister Crowley was now alone.

"..."

...

" _Heh. My win as expected. Everything went according to plan_."

Waking up in a cold sweat, Kamijou Touma shouted.

"Like hell it did!"

**The True True True Culprit**

Kamijou Touma had woken up in a hospital bed.

"Wait, so it was my dream after all?"

"Ah, Kamijou-san. You're awake."

The frog-faced doctor arrived.

"While you were unconscious, I've taken the liberty of surgically removing your left hand and replacing it with another right hand, seeing as your Imagine Breaker only affects your right hand."

"Eh?"

"Technically, you won't need a doctor anymore, since... no matter what, you're always 'all right'."

Stiyl Magnus woke up in a cold sweat.

"What a stupid joke!"

"Rather, it was actually my dream? No, more like, is it really okay to end this segment like this...! And why was I given such a small part?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Suit Up!**

After a bizarre set of events in New Testament...

A random maintenance worker was helping Hamazura Shiage with the handling of a piece of highly advanced technology: a rider suit.

"In order to put on the suit, you have to do the following. Watch closely."

Hamazura Shiage and the maintenance worker's movements synchronized.

While in a fighting stance, both of them raised their right arm straight into the air.

" ** _Hen-!_** "

...and then dramatically, they posed!

" ** _-shin!_** "

**Signature Move**

After a few events involving the Dragon Rider and a vehicle crash, Hattori Hanzou rushed up to a struggling Hamazura Shiage who was still wearing the rider suit.

"You okay, man?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But this suit is friggin' hot. Help me take it off, will ya'?"

Hamazura started to pull on his collar for some ventilation.

"Oh. Sure, but before that..."

With a sense of excitement, Hattori Hanzou made a request.

"Can you to drop kick me? Just, well, real fast?"

"..."

"I'm serious here. It's always been a dream of mine."

**An Impossible Task**

After various more bizarre events, Accelerator watched as Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage made idle chatter with one another. Remembering the complications that arose when he couldn't contact key persons involved...

For some reason, Worst's voice echoed in his head.

' _Ehhhh? Wouldn't it be faster to directly ask that guy? Whaaat? You haven't exchanged numbers yet? Tch, how useless! Soooo useless...!'_

Accelerator brought out his cellphone.

"..."

And in a sudden realization...

_Wait..._

_This situation is..._

**Scenario #1**

In an imaginary simulation...

A hypothetical Accelerator approached a hypothetical Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage. The white-haired boy started off.

" _We should probably exchange numbers._ "

The imaginary Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage grew to an intimidating size.

" **Ehhhh? What's with you being so buddy-buddy all of a sudden? I don't remember us being on good terms.** "

" **You're not even a Level 0 like _US_. Why would we want to hang out with _YOU_**?"

In the real world...

"..."

Accelerator decided to handle this situation carefully.

**Scenerio #2**

In another imaginary simulation...

A hypothetical Accelerator led an annoyingly passive aggressive conversation with Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage.

" _Man!_ _What a paaain! You know, this whole situation could've gone waaaay smoother if we had some method of contacting one another! I woooonder if_ **_something_** _should be done about thaaaat_!"

The imaginary Kamijou Touma sparked an idea.

"Here's a thought. How about we all exchange our phone numbers?"

The imaginary Accelerator responded.

" _Tch. It caaaaaan't be helped. I **guess** I'll lend you my number._ "

In the real world...

Accelerator pumped his fist.

_Flawless._

**Self-Destruction**

"..."

Accelerator lingered behind the two Level 0s. He had his phone out and was preparing to speak up. Hamazura Shiage took notice of this suspicious activity.

"Eh? Did you want to exchange phone numbers?"

...

The white-haired boy blinked and made an automated response.

" _The flying fuck_ _! As if I'd want to exchange numbers with some dipshit like you! I was just looking through some texts, asshole!_ "

"Oh, is that so..."

Hamazura Shiage turned his attention back to Kamijou Touma.

...

Later at Yomikawa Aiho's apartment...

Accelerator was sulking.

( Worst: _It may be Misaka's imagination, but_ _Tou-san's looking stupider than usual._ )

**Frenda and Fremea**

Unrelated to New Testament...

A conversation over the phone...

"Hey, it's been awhile since we've basically talked. Did something happen?"

Frenda Seivelun was talking to her little sister. The small girl's voice answered.

"...well, essentially, I wanted to ask something important."

"Ask? Ask away! I'll definitely answer any question you have with complete and utter honesty! Remember, Frenda is basically your friend-da!"

"..."

Click.

" _Ara_ _?"_


End file.
